So I've been wondering if what I am doing it right? Are meds the right thing for me? Do they change who I really am? Making me not happy with not being able to be myself. Or do they just help with my anger and depression? I don't know what I should do. I feel like this is really affecting my relationship. I sometimes wonder if...I wonder too much. Is he the right guy, he makes me laugh, he is good with my son, he pisses me off so bad, has no since of peace whatsoever. I just want peace, love, and happiness. I don't need to look for it because I know exactly where it is. It's being me and being with my son. Does this mean that this relationship has gone bad? I never know these things anymore.
I want to read, study, be creative, take care of me. I feel I can't do anything without the help of others because no one will help me. I need help with fixing my car but my mom only kicks me out.
I stayed on my mood stabilizers. I think thats a good thing....I think. I'm constantly bitchy, and I can't control it. I hate being that way. I just want to be nice, sweet, and loving. Create peace not war. Maybe I have more than one personality. I got a pulp fiction poster AND a hello kitty poster. WTH? I love them both. I am proud of knowing what I like and I like that. But that is a strange combination indeed. I also found an contradicting combination. My iPad has an assassin's creed skin that I made AND a pink smart cover.
I want to lose weight, but I can't stop eating. I eat when I'm not even hungry. We practically have no food whatsoever in this house, but I manage to eat all the time. I eat a lot of peanut butter toast. A LOT!!!
I'm tired, sad, ashamed, worried, conscious, paranoid, and sick of feeling crazy.
I need to go back to my therapist. I'm just gonna straight up stop bullshitting.
