I began to feel depressed. Listening to music, no matter what it is, reminds me of him. We had a lot of the same interest when it came to music. So every time I hear a song I know he likes it reminds me of how he gave up. Both of the Maynard concerts I went to were with him. So its hard for the two to not be related. Every day that goes by makes me want to hate him even more. I feel sorry for him being that way though. He doesn't realize how anger is affecting his life. He let it get rid of me. It hurt me, many times, over and over. He believes that it is him. That the anger is part of his personality, so he doesn't need to change it. He says that I shouldn't make him mad and because I do we aren't meant to be. I've tried to tell him that its not who you are because its only temporary. You're not changing who you are, but trying to get rid of the negativity. I guess he doesn't believe that anger causes problems. It really sucks because he is going to continue to live life this way. If he is happy now thats great, but I don't see how someone can be happy when anger flares up so much. I know because I used to be that way.
I feel like maybe later down the road he will miss me like he always does. At the same time I don't know what I would do if that situation would arise. I want him to apologize, but I don't think I love him anymore. If he died right now...I can't imagine it, but I think I would be upset about it. I should be. I used to love him.
I couldn't love him after this.
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