Apology

I was lying in bed with terrible anxiety that just would not go away. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack any second. Eric calls me. I let it ring. I'm trying to decide if I wanted to answer it. I was curious what he had to say so I answered it. He asked me how I was. I couldn't believe he asked me that. I asked him why he called. He started to cry and said he wanted to make sure I was ok and hear my voice. My eyes teared up, but he made me bitter. An apology seemed too late. I told him that Chris visited me in the hospital and reminded him that he never visited me that last time I went. He asked if I did anything with Chris. I told him I kissed him. He said he needed to get off the phone. I love him, but he caused a relapse. I wanted to say so many bitter things to him. I wanted to explode. I held it in. I didn't want him doing anything stupid.

I don't know what to do. Two men get mad at me then apologize. I don't want to play eenie meenie minnie moe. I think I'm just gonna play it cool and focus on myself for a while. At least try to.